Why Me, Lord?

To slightly paraphrase the old hit song by Kris Kristofferson:

Why me, Lord? What have I ever done to deserve even one of the [blessings] I've known?

Every day, I am astonished at all the blessings the Lord has bestowed on me: wise and loving parents; a sweet, patient wife who raised with me three fine children; reasonably good health; a stable, satisfying job; living in a free country . . . the list goes on and on. Of course, the greatest gift of all is God's infinite love in sending His Son into this world to live, teach, suffer, and die in ransom for my sins--the just for the unjust--so that I may live eternally in the company of Him and my loved ones. I don't think anyone has ever been more richly blessed than I.

I was reminded of that recently when my wife and I had the opportunity to travel from our home in upstate New York to Idaho, to spend a few weeks during the Christmas season helping our daughter Donna and son-in-law Jonathan care for their newborn twin children--their first, and our second and third grandchildren. These two came after years of trying, crying, and prayer by their parents, and were the most wonderful blessing (and Christmas presents) God could have given them.

Nothing has ever touched and engaged me more than holding those precious new babies in my arms, gazing into their bright, curious eyes, and even feeding and diapering them--whatever the hour!

Nothing has delighted me more than my wife Melany's beaming face as she embraced these little miracles, thanking the Lord for answering our children's prayers.

I was struck by how a loving and giving family like this is an echo of our Heavenly Father's relationship with us--how helpless and dependent on Him we are, how utterly selfless and infinitely generous He is toward us, even when we go astray. He would, and did, give his very life for us, just as our children would for theirs.

I feel so unworthy of His boundless grace. Of course, we can never be fully "deserving" of all God's blessings. If that were possible, we would be "earning" them through works in contravention of the teaching that salvation, like other blessings, comes by grace through faith--lest we should boast (Ephesians 2:8,9). "A faithful man shall abound with blessings" (Proverbs 28:20), and surely a steady faith in God and obedience to His commandments will bring those spiritual and familial blessings that the commandments were intended to secure to us, if not all the worldly benefits men desire.  I know that I am not always faithful to my heavenly calling, and I am too often disobedient. Yet God blesses me still, and remembering this keeps me in humble awe and deepest gratitude. If I never fully "deserve" His gifts, I can at least strive to live worthily of them.

While we were staying with Donna and Jonathan in Idaho, we watched the movie White Christmas. One of its best moments is Bing Crosby singing to Rosemary Clooney (and she singing back to him) the song "Count Your Blessings (Instead of Sheep)."

When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep
Counting my blessings

When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep
Counting my blessings

One of the things Crosby's character, an entertainer, wants most in life is to settle down and have a family. Thus the lines immediately following these is especially poignant:

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds

So, when I count my blessings, I'll always remember all my grandchildren's (someday) curly heads, resting on their pillows in slumber, and thank our Heavenly Father for them and for all the countless ways He's graced me with more than I'll ever deserve.

Liam Fleming

Brandon and Kate Randall

True Colors

Who would have thought that an important role
in defending liberty and the family would be played by
. . . chicken sandwiches?

In the vanguard of modern culture's assault on the institutions of marriage and family is the small (only four percent of adult Americans) but vocal group of people who identify themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, together with their activist allies in the political, media, academic, and entertainment spheres. Due to the wealth and prominence in high social circles many of them enjoy, and their proximity to the levers of cultural and political power, the gay community wields an influence in our society out of all proportion to their numbers--and despite the adherence of most Americans to traditional standards. This can be credited in no small measure to their tactic, in recent years, of characterizing their cause as one for tolerance and justice--things generally acknowledged as good--and against hatred and abuse--things everyone regards as bad. In their crusade to undermine Judeo-Christian values in public and private life, they have staked out what they believe is the moral high ground, or at least what passes for it today, and--with the help of an eagerly compliant media establishment--have been wrapped in the aura and the rhetoric of the African-American civil rights movement. The recent controversy surrounding national fast-food chain Chick-Fil-A, however, exposed for all to see just how misleading that posture is.

It all began in early July when the company's president and COO Dan Cathy, son of its founder S. Truett Cathy, was interviewed by the Christian news organization Biblical Recorder and answered a question about the company's support of the traditional family.  "We are very much supportive of the family—the biblical definition of the family unit," Cathy said. "We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives.  We give God thanks for that. … We want to do anything we possibly can to strengthen families." If you read the full interview (reprinted by the Baptist Press) you'll see that Cathy was never asked and never brought up the subjects of homosexuality or "same-sex marriage"; his remarks concerned exclusively how the company works to strengthen family life in general and that of its patrons and employees. Cathy said later in a radio interview that, “as it relates to society in general, I think we are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say, ‘We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage.’ . . . I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we would have the audacity to try to redefine what marriage is all about.”

 Dan Cathy, President of Chick-Fil-A

None of these remarks included a condemnation of gay people personally, advocated their mistreatment, or purported to be a statement of official Chick-Fil-A policy. Nevertheless, they were seized upon by gay leaders and the mainstream media, and twisted into a corporate declaration of war against them (several commentators have noted CNN's overt mischaracterization of the original interview as having mentioned "gay marriage"). Almost immediately the Jim Henson Company, which created toys for the chain, backed out of the partnership and pledged to donate money the company had received from Chick-fil-A to a gay rights organization.

Predictably, grandstanding politicians sought to capitalize on the gay community's "outrage."  Without any evidence that Chick-Fil-A refuses either service or employment to gays, Boston Mayor Thomas Menino sent Dan Cathy a letter accusing the company of "discrimination" and warning that its efforts to locate in that city would be resisted by local authorities. San Francisco mayor Ed Lee tweeted: "Closest Chick-fil-A is 40 miles away and I strongly recommend they not try to come any closer."  Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel declared that Chick-fil-A did not represent "Chicago values," and voiced support for a city alderman's intent to block construction of a Chick-fil-A restaurant in his district. Another alderman demanded that Mr. Cathy stop associating with groups that oppose same-sex marriage as a prerequisite for a business permit, and a councilman in New York made a similar threat.  Some college students even launched a campaign for the closure of Chick-fil-A restaurants on their campuses.

This assault on freedom of speech and commerce prompted quick, loud, and suprisingly universal condemnation in newspaper and magazine editorials around the country (google "Chick-Fil-A editorials"), and even by some gay bloggers. It moved former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee to call for Americans to stand with Dan Cathy and his company by patronizing his stores on "Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day," Aug. 1. In response, millions of people flocked to Chick-fil-A outlets that day, enjoying their chicken sandwiches and waffle fries as a way to show support for the restaurant and for the freedom to express Biblical values. Most stores were packed and in many waiting lines snaked out the door; in some, the food ran out well before closing time. Chick-fil-A sales that day beat previous records by as much as 50 percent, and it has been estimated that the chain booked almost $100 million in sales in just one day. The controversy bought Chick-Fil-A more free, positive publicity than it could have ever purchased with money.

Perhaps stung by the unexpected outpouring of support for their foe, gay allies vandalized a Chick-Fil-A store in Torrance, California by spray-painting "Tastes Like Hate" on the side of the building, and bullied a Chick-Fil-A employee at a drive-through window. The young lady later publicly forgave the man who had berated her.



Several days later the gay community tried to mount a demonstration of support for its cause at Chick-Fil-A stores, in the form of a "kiss-in" featuring same-sex couples publicly smooching. It was sparsely attended, and barely registered as compared to traditional marriage proponents' Appreciation Day.

On top of all this, on August 15, one Floyd Lee Corkins II, a strong supporter of gay rights who worked at a Washington, D.C. community center for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, entered the headquarters building of the conservative Family Research Council--which has steadfastly supported the president of Chick-Fil-A and his opposition to same-sex marriage--and shot a security guard after stating, "I don't like your politics," or words to that effect.  At the time he was carrying a backpack full of Chick-fil-A sandwiches. After the wounded guard took away his gun, Corkins said,"Don't shoot me, it was not about you, it was what this place stands for."

In a nutshell, the whole Chick-Fil-A affair has turned out badly for the gay community and its allies. Their "leaders," especially the politicians, did them a great disservice through their intolerance and "bullying"--the very sins of which they accuse people of faith. This, and their effort to demonize and punish any differing viewpoint or speaker, have exposed gay activists as would-be brownshirts--the nickname for SA street thugs in Nazi Germany who intimidated Jews and socialists (and homosexuals, coincidentally), and enforced boycotts against Jewish-owned businesses. This doesn't look much like Martin Luther King and his civil rights hosts peacefully marching and singing "We Shall Overcome."

At the heart of gay activists' problem is their own program to equate, in the public mind, Biblical faith and traditional moral and family values, on the one hand, with "bigotry," "intolerance," and "hatred" on the other. These words, of course, are now deeply associated in the American consciousness with racial prejudice and discrimination--things generally understood in civilized society as contemptible, illegitimate, and even illegal.  For one who accepts this equivalence, even unconsciously, it follows that such faith and values--especially with respect to the definition of marriage, the gay cause de jour--are likewise beyond the pale and socially unacceptable. For the same reasons, anyone who adheres to or expresses agreement with such faith and values is necessarily a bigot or "homophobe," today's version of a "racist."  The clear intent in popularizing these notions is to delegitimize Biblical concepts of morality and family, and those who espouse them, thereby undermining their political influence and encouraging their banishment from public life. By this means the public is "softened up" to accept gay marriage and behavior as entitled to at least equal dignity within society and before the law, and removes political roadblocks to implementation of the activist gay agenda. It also serves to wear down resistance among Christians themselves. No one wants to be thought of or publicly denounced as hateful and abusive toward others, or associated with those who are; certainly not serious, reflective Christians. So they relent, through a combination of guilt feelings and social intimidation, and buy into the concept that a Christian acceptance of gays as people must carry with it acceptance of their activist leaders' political and social demands.

Notwithstanding the success of this program for activist gays and their allies in some parts of the country, the Chick-Fil-A controversy has shown its very serious flaws. One is that the activists' heavy-handed tactics have prompted a backlash by millions of religious believers fed up with being painted as hateful and equivalent to racists, and fearful that, unless they forcefully respond, their beliefs, values, and freedoms will be suffocated to death by the new "religion" of political correctness. Politicians and policy-makers cannot ignore the vast numbers in which believers turned out to support Dan Cathy and Chick-Fil-A, or the increasingly united front that people from diverse faith traditions are presenting to exert their influence and expound their common principles through such efforts as the Manhattan Declaration.

Those same demonize-and-punish tactics exemplified in the Chick-Fil-A affair also tended to paint gays and their allies as enemies of free speech. Citizens and commentators theretofore ambivalent about same-sex marriage, or even generally in favor of it, were brought out in support of Dan Cathy's and other believers' constitutional right to express their views without government retaliation. In this respect the gay community should take a lesson from history: in the 1830s- and -40s, many thousands of people in the northern United States, who had been indifferent to slavery or even sympathetic to Southern interests, were won over to the abolitionist cause when hostile mobs in the North, egged on by local politicians and civic leaders, invaded churches, assaulted abolitionist speakers, and trashed or tried to shut down businesses owned by abolitionists or free blacks. Many thousands more fence-sitters rallied to the abolitionist cause after 1850 when the new Fugitive Slave Law authorized federal officers to force any citizen, anywhere in the country and regardless of his convictions about slavery, to help capture and re-enslave runaway bondsmen. As one historian observed, "[w]hites who wavered on the question of abolition could be drawn to [its] support . . . if they became convinced that the long arm of slavery was reaching into their personal lives, whether by mob action, economic threat, free speech and free assembly restrictions, opposition in churches, or denial of the right to petition the government." [Milton C. Sernett, North Star Country: Upstate New York and the Crusade for African American Freedom, p. 52 (Syracuse University Press, 2002)]

Moreover, the demonization of Biblical views about marriage and family has so corrupted the thinking of political leaders, some of them sporting law degrees, that they failed to appreciate the foolishness of making plainly unconstitutional threats against a legal business merely because its owner expressed opinions with which they disagreed--threats from which they were soon forced to retreat in confusion. If they thought it was the right thing to bar Chick-Fil-A from Chicago or Boston because its owner's relgious views were inconsistent with local "values," were they going to then going to expel from their cities the Roman Catholic, Mormon, evangelical Christian, orthodox Jewish, and other religious organizations and their members, or businesses associated with them, because their beliefs and opinions are consistent with those of Chick-Fil-A's owner?  Would they start burning Bibles? Again, this resembles less a civil rights crusade than the portent of a modern-day Kristallnacht (the night in 1938 when Nazi brownshirts attacked Jewish-owned stores, buildings, and synagogues).

Open and honest debate about marriage and family issues, and their just resolution through democratic processes, are impossible to the extent either side tries to gain political advantage by demonizing the other and discouraging or obstructing the free expression of its views. If either seeks the moral high ground, it must accord people who hold different beliefs as much tolerance, respect, and acceptance as they demand for themselves. Religious believers and others who oppose the "gay agenda" should remember that most gays are not fanatical activists but people just trying to live their lives, and learn to interact with them in the respectful, considerate way they would like others to treat them. They should accept gays as fellow children of God, errant though they may be, and refrain from speaking to or about them in contemptuous epithets. And, if believers are to be credible and persuasive advocates for Judeo-Christian family values, they must condemn and avoid heterosexual misbehavior (including adultery and pornography) at least as forcefully as they do homosexual conduct. For their part, gays must respect others' right to express views different from, and even contrary to, their own. They need to accept that one can disapprove of their behavior or lifestyle, or or oppose their political agenda, without being a bigot--and can even accept them as people.

And, everyone needs to acknowledge that the defense of traditional marriage and family life, against efforts to redefine them for the benefit of gays or any special interest group, is a legitimate point of view backed by thousands of years of teaching and social experience in all cultures--not an expression of hate justifying its demonization. Dressing up suppression of this point of view in the guise of a crusade for "civil" or "human" rights is simply a perversion of those terms, and won't change the fact that it is as least as much bigotry as is "homophobia."

POSTSCRIPT:  On a short road trip this past weekend, my family was privileged to have lunch at a Chick-Fil-A near Cleveland, Ohio--our first visit to one (living in Western New York, the closest stores to us are in Erie and Scranton, PA). What a marvelous experience! The store was clean and nicely decorated; the food was hot and delicious; and the staff was incredibly helpful and friendly. They came around repeatedly and filled our water cups, even though we hadn't even paid for the drinks!  The wall decorations included boards that explained the company's charitable, leadership, and family-building programs. The manager was floating about helping the staff with various chores, and he chatted with us for several minutes (and gave us a small bag of their scrumptious barbecue sauce packets to take home). If you've never visited a Chick-Fil-A, give them a try next time you're near one!

Sarah and Todd Palin at Chick-Fil-A

MORE FUN:  Think that one-man/one-woman marriage, and the freedom to advocate it, is an exclusively Christian matter?  These things are also important to conservative and orthodox Jews, as demonstrated by this delightfully tongue-in-cheek article by rabbi and businessman Yaakov Rosenblatt called My Beef With Chick-fil-A.

My Better Half

Today is my darling wife Melany's birthday (thoughtlessly, I almost mentioned the number, but caught myself at the last moment--a mistake like that could be fatal!  ;-)  I don't think I've ever expressed, in a public forum, just how wonderful this lovely lady is and how much she means to me. We've been married 31 years, and I'm still learning from her--and all good things, too.

It was on a Saturday night in September, 1976, at someone else's birthday party in our apartment complex near Michigan State University, that we first met. As I recall she was sitting on the floor with a plate of cake in her lap, chatting with whoever was around. I was immediately attracted by her radiant smile and cheerful, easygoing manner, and sat down on the floor next to her--pretty uncharacteristic for a buttoned-up bookworm like me. We had a nice conversation about something since forgotten, and then--being the selfless, generous person she was and is--she introduced me to another young lady. She's often told me since that she instantly regretted doing so. No lasting harm done; after a few weeks' diversion, we both had to admit that our initial instincts were best, and we started over. Before my graduation that June, we had an "understanding," as folks used to say. But first I had to finish law school--and then there was a year of work to accumulate a nest egg. More hesitation, then commitment--for good! We got married on the Fourth of July, so we'd always have fireworks on our anniversary!

The years since then have been a daily revelation to me of God's wondrous grace and providence. There's no "rational" explanation for why an introverted, skeptical boy from western New York and an outgoing, optimistic girl from central Michigan would somehow find each other, be mutually attracted, and yoke their whole futures together--and stay together--despite all the forces of geography, destiny, personal predilection, and life challenges that would buffet them over the years. How has she found it in herself to put up with all my shortcomings and grievous mistakes, and all the disappointments and unrealized dreams that marriage inevitably entails? Only the merciful and miraculous will of God, and the bountiful guidance of the Holy Spirit, can explain these things. What other force could enable us to have and raise three wonderful children to maturity, and them to stay in the path of righteousness and safety in the face of all the physical and moral dangers confronting them in this modern world?

But God didn't act alone in producing this miracle. More than anyone else it has been Melany through whom He worked. Her example of patience, kindness, diligence, faith, and good cheer continues, every day, to be a wonder and an inspiration to me and the children. She brings out the best in us and has made us far better people than we could ever have been without her. Our family and all that we, our children, and our grandchildren will ever be and accomplish in this life, are her eternal monument. May God bless her abundantly and keep us all together, for long years and forever, in the palm of His hand.

Angel(s) of Mercy

It's been far too long since I posted here, and to those (few) who follow this blog, I apologize. Most of my posts involve a certain amount of research, and I simply haven't had time to do much of that lately, what with unusual pressures at work and many family adventures (most of them delightful) at home. Political controversies, battles in the culture wars, and other momentous events have come and gone without comment from me. How can humanity cope?

So, before this blog is entirely forgotten, I'll post about the one subject on which no research is needed--my family! And at this time one member in particular, who gives so much of herself to others day in and day out: my sister Patti!

We grew up together in Grand Island, New York with our two other brothers and, of course, Mom (Gail) and Dad (John) Fleming. Patti (at left in high school) was special as the "baby sister," but she didn't let it go to her head too often--she just suffused our family with her sweet glow!  Mom and Dad moved to Jacksonville, Florida (where Mom grew up) in the mid-80s, and Patti followed a few years later. There she met an exceptional gentleman named Jason, and they were married. Not long after that, they were blessed with a son, Jonathan, who's now a fine young man working his way through college. In recent years Patti has shared countless sewing and craft-making secrets, as well as whimsical thoughts and pearls of wisdom, on her blog It's a Wonderful . . . 

This sounds like a "happily ever after" story, and in a way it is--but only part of it.  The other part consists of Patti's tireless efforts for people outside her home. She works at the Women’s Help Center in Jacksonville, providing pregnancy tests and sonograms, counseling in favor of life and against abortion, and generally offering guidance and support to women and couples facing the most important choices in their lives.

Most important, she--with Jason's tireless help--constitutes Mom and Dad's lifeline in their later years. Patti helps nurse them through health challenges and drives back and forth to hospitals and doctor's offices. She and Jason have put in many hours keeping Mom and Dad's computer up and running so they can stay connected with the digitized members of the family. Other errands and chores Patti and Jason have done for Mom and Dad are countless, and all without a moment's hesitation. I and my brothers, who live too far away to provide that support, only wish we could pitch in more and lighten their load. For now, I can at least pay them a little tribute in a public place and express our thanks for all that they do to help Mom and Dad (and others) live "happily ever after"!

 Patti today in downtown Jacksonville

 

Jason with our grandson Liam

Family Values

One of the saddest things one sees these days--and regrettably, one of the most prevalent--is the disintegration of families. In western countries divorce is now rampant, to the point that stable, long-term marriages are a distinct minority of adult relationships. But even in "whole" families it is disturbingly common to see parents, children, and siblings (even as adults) deeply alienated from each other, always squabbling over things great and small, and doing their best to avoid meaningful contact. I know too many members of other families who live right around the corner from each other but haven't spoken in years, and some in which a sibling left home at the first opportunity and was never heard from again. In how many others do family members share little more than a mailing address, all caught up in personal pursuits and rarely, if ever, really communicating with each other or chatting around the dinner table?

God instituted the family for many reasons, not least of which is to provide us with guidance, support, and comfort in times of trial, or just to enrich our day-to-day lives here on earth and make us happy. Family is where we are meant to teach, learn and practice commitment, caring, self-sacrifice, patience, faith, and love--all of which are vital to reaching our full potential here on earth, and to attaining eternal life with the Lord and each other in Heaven. Indeed, we should strive to make our families a microcosm or preview of Heaven itself--especially since, if you believe as I do, that we'll still be together as family in that beautiful world! Our material circumstances in this life may be meager, but our lives can be richer than any king's if we share love one with another.

Certainly this is not an easy task, but how could we grow without challenge and perseverance? No two or more human beings can live together in a small space without friction and some conflict. We're weak and fallible beings, and are bound to say and do things, now and then, that may hurt or disappoint our loved ones. So, repentance, patience, and forgiveness become a way of life in strong families. For them, love means ALWAYS having to say you're sorry--and always saying, "That's OK--I forgive you." Faith and prayer are indispensable for all family members, and when shared hold them together like nothing else.

Scripture is such an important and inspiring guide in this work. The Bible is permeated with wisdom concerning families and their generations, and how family members should live together (see, for example, Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Peter 3:1-7). This wonderful passage condenses it into a nutshell (Colossians 3:18-21):

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

These lines immediately follow Paul's characterization of a true Christian (Colossians 3:12-17):

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

This is the formula not only for a strong faith community, but for making and keeping a strong family!

I was immeasurably blessed to have grown up in a loving, resilient family. Working together peacefully could be difficult, and we often had to ride out storms of conflict. But thanks to the teaching and good example set by our parents, we hung together and grew in love over the years. We learned what a strong family looks like and how to build and maintain one, and hopefully are modeling those things to our own children so they can have the same blessings. My siblings and I are scattered about the USA now, but we've never been "closer" to each other.

If your family is less than what it should be, start rebuilding it TODAY: recommit to your spouse, reconcile with your children and with your own parents and siblings--don't let ANY past wrong or hurt stand in your way. With a contrite heart ask their forgiveness, and forgive them freely and eagerly. Involve yourself actively in their daily lives. Make the tent as big as possible, and welcome grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins under it. Find humor and the joy of discovery in everything. It's never too late to start over, on the right road. For the road to Heaven is paved with family love.

NOTE: This post was adapted from another of mine on Faithful Feet, a collaboration of people from around the world dedicated to sharing the Good News and simple insights into a life of faith and joy.

From Humble Beginnings . . .

Today, February 12, marks two very special anniversaries. One is of the birth of Abraham Lincoln, who held the American family together through its severest trial, and did so much to make it one again. The other is of the marriage of my parents, John and Barbara Gail (Hobbs) Fleming, who created the wonderful family in which I and my siblings were privileged to grow up.

Neither of these blessed endeavors had an auspicious beginning. Mr. Lincoln was born on February 12, 1809 in a one-room log cabin in Hardin County, Kentucky to frontier farmers Thomas Lincoln and Nancy Hanks Lincoln. Mom and Dad eloped and were married on February 12, 1954 before a justice of the peace in the small town of Kingsland, Camden County, Georgia.

Lincoln educated himself and labored on and about his family's small farms, as well as in various small-time jobs and enterprises, and attained no public prominence until his mid-20s. When they married Dad was an enlisted man (corpsman) in the United Stats Navy, son of a house painter and an innkeeper's daughter, Mom a policeman's daughter and a freshman student in college, which she left. They literally lacked a pot to piddle in, but struggled together and after Dad's discharge settled in western New York state (Grand Island) where Dad had grown up, and had 4 children over the next 8 years. They built much of their first house themselves, on a small lot that had been part of Dad's family's farm. Dad drove a milk truck for his uncle's dairy business; Mom stayed home--as most mothers did back then--with us kids. We probably weren't "poor," but certainly weren't "rich" or even very "comfortable." But Mom and Dad worked hard to make sure that we children never lacked for what we really needed. We never felt deprived, nor entitled to anything more than we had. We were praised when we did well, comforted when we were hurt or sad, punished when we did wrong. We were taught how to read, draw, and do basic things for ourselves before we went to kindergarten. We learned to be respectful toward adults and never to be mean to other children. We were regularly given chores to do, which we sometimes did willingly--but almost always did, like it or not. We ate meals together, around the kitchen table. We went to church, as a family, most every Sunday. We children knew we were loved and cared for, and that our parents would give their lives for us if necessary.

Abraham Lincoln went on to political greatness and national immortality. Mom and Dad never gained nor sought public prominence. But what they achieved matters even more to me and their other children. They taught us how to be decent, faithful, self-sufficient people, and good citizens. They taught us what family is all about, and showed us how to build and maintain strong ones of our own. It wasn't always easy growing up, and there were plenty of "confrontations" among us. But the glue of love and commitment that held us together, though it may have bent a little now and then, never cracked or broke. Mom and Dad saw to that. Thanks to them, all of us siblings and all of our children are devoted to them and to each other, and get along better than virtually any family I know of. I can't adequately express what a blessing that is. And we owe it, ultimately, to two humble people who tied the knot 58 years ago today, and are still around to warm us with their sunshine. Thank you Mom and Dad, and the Lord who gave blessed us with them!

Adios, Mi Querido Hijo

This has turned out to be one of the most bittersweet (more sweet than bitter, really) Christmas holidays I've ever had. As I write, our youngest son Colin and my wife Melany are on the road somewhere in Ohio or Kentucky, headed for Colin's new job as a box office manager at the Performing Arts Center at Lee College in Baytown, Texas, just across Galveston Bay from Houston (according to its official web site, Baytown's motto is "Where oil and water really do mix!"). I stayed behind to mind the fort and our critters (one big dog and one small cat), and so Colin could get into the car everything he has and needs to start out on his own. It's incredibly quiet here, and rather (all right, very) lonesome. I miss Colin and Melany very much already--and they've only been gone a few hours!

Less than a month ago Colin casually responded to an ad for this job, hardly imagining that it would lead almost immediately to an in-person interview and then an offer. Work in his field (arts administration) being so hard to come by in this part of the country, especially for someone just out of college, that Colin felt he couldn't let the opportunity go by. The sudden and dramatic change of life for him and for us is a daunting challenge indeed.

It's always hard for a parent to "let go" so a child can find his or her own way, especially when the way takes the child far from home into unknown territory. Home is familiar and welcoming and safe (or so we try to make it), but who knows what threats lurk elsewhere? Our natural desire and habit is to protect our children and provide for their happiness as best we know how. So, when the time comes that the needs and opportunities--and dangers--of adulthood finally call the child away from the hearth, we are torn with anxiety, even dread. Yet, we must consciously pry our own fingers from our child's arm and let him go along life's road on his own, where his dreams and his best judgment take him. We can only pray for his well-being, and sometimes carefully and gently offer whatever advice we might have from the well of our own learning and experience. We mustn't project our own fears onto him, nor presume to make for him the decisions that rightfully, and prudently, he should make for himself, whatever the consequences. This is the only way for the child to learn responsibility, the sine qua non of adulthood. Now we must only encourage and offer help--but not "bail out"--if and when things go awry, and even if life leads them to endure suffering for a time (which we will inevitably share). It's perhaps the last, perhaps most important lesson we can teach our children: how to be free. That's the only way our children can flower and be all that God intended and enabled them to be. And it might be the most important lesson that we, as parents, can teach ourselves.

Last night, before retiring for perhaps the last time as a permanent resident under our roof, Colin wrote a Facebook "thank you note" to his family and friends here in New York and elsewhere. I chanced to read it a short time later, before retiring myself--and then had trouble falling asleep for the tears in my eyes. Colin wrote that he has "an amazing family that has provided me with opportunity, love, shelter and support at all times, without hesitation, the blink of an eye, or a thought of doing otherwise." I can't express what that means to us as his parents (and the same goes for his brother and sister, I'm sure). All I can say is that Colin is an amazing son and as fine a young man as there's ever been. Of course, we feel much the same way about all our children, but perhaps this moment is more poignant because Colin is the last to fly our "nest" and leave Melany and I entirely "on our own." Since he returned home from college this past May, we've been blessed to get to know him in an especially deep and personal way. We've delighted in the company of a sensitive and thoughtful person always ready to discuss (and sometimes cross swords on) any topic that occurs to us, from religion and politics to movies and food. His sense of humor is matchless! Even our disagreements on things are mutually respectful and loving. Harmony and love within our family is something that Melany and I have prayed for constantly over the years, and God has granted us this fondest wish!

Sometimes it's easier for me to understand and accept things by putting them into a historical context. In this case, I'm reminded of the countless times during the 19th century when young people packed wagons (or sometimes just bags) with all they had, kissed their grieving parents goodbye, and set off on a road or down a river toward a new beginning in the West. All knew that the risks were at least as great as the opportunities. But what if their parents had successfully discouraged all these young pioneers from braving the dangers of the journey? Humanity might never have known the blessings that this great country eventually brought them. So, I'm persuaded that God must have the most marvelous plans for Colin, to lead him that far away into such an alien world as Texas!

May he bless you abundantly each and every day, son, and fill your life with joy (and bring you back home safely for as many visits as we can all manage!)!

Colin and his beloved nephew, Liam

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Another delightful thing about our recent trip out West was the obvious bond of deep affection I saw between Melany and our daughter Donna. They spent a lot of time together over two weeks sewing and making various crafts. I'm sure there were a few tense moments, but you can tell how much mother-daughter love went into the finished product!

It's such a blessing that, despite the years and the generation that separates us, we're able to relate to our children, and they with us, in good humor, genuine care, and love. So many families today are riven with animosity and alienation, between spouses, between parents and children, and among siblings! May our family always be whole and "together" in spirit, even when we can't be so physically.

Western Adventure 2011

We've been back in Brockport three weeks since returning from this summer's Western adventure in and about Idaho Falls, Idaho with our daughter Donna and her husband Jonathan. As always (click here for posts detailing previous visits), we had a marvelous time!

Hill Aerospace Museum

As we did last year, we stopped at Hill Aerospace Museum near Ogden, Utah on our way north to Idaho Falls, after Donna and Jonathan picked me up from the airport in Salt Lake City on Saturday August 6 (Melany went out a week before I did, so she was already there). The girls detoured to a nearby fabric store while Jonathan and I explored the museum (who do you think had the REAL fun?) I got some terrific photographs, this time of planes that didn't make it into last year's collection:

Here is Jonathan standing beside a Vought A-7 Corsair II,

a carrier-based subsonic light attack aircraft

that served the Navy during the late 1960s-80s.

You can see Jonathan at the extreme right,
just below the wing of a Boeing B-52 Stratofortress,
a long-range, subsonic strategic bomber that began service
in the 1950s and is still in use today.

Here's Jonathan standing beneath the nose
of another monster aircraft, the Douglas C-124 Globemaster II,
a heavy-lift military transport plane that served
the Air Force during the 1950s and early 1960s.

Inside the museum, the nose of a Boeing B-17 Flying Fortress,
the premier Allied heavy bomber of World War II.

This is something you may not see anywhere else:
a full-scale model (made for a movie) of the
first atomic weapon, nicknamed "the gadget,"
that was detonated at the Trinity Test Site
in New Mexico on 16 July 1945.

The Farmers' Garden

On Sunday, after church, we went to visit Donna and Jonathan's friends the Farmer family--and are they aptly named! After a delicious dinner, we toured the extensive and stunningly beautiful gardens behind their home, complete with waterfalls, a fish-stocked pond, fruit trees, a large greenhouse, and thousands and thousands of flowers!

Donna and Melany in the Farmers' garden.

Fort Hall Replica

On Monday, we drove south to Pocatello, Idaho and visited the Fort Hall Replica. This is a full-size, faithful reproduction of the original Fort Hall built in 1834, which became an important trading post for the mountain fur trade and then for emigrants going west along the Oregon Trail (a few miles further up the Trail they had to make the fateful decision whether to take the north fork toward Oregon or the south fork toward California). As a matter of fact, before our vacation I had started reading an excellent book about the fur trade called Across the Wide Missouri by Bernard DeVoto--and at the time we visited the Fort was right in the middle of the book's discussion of the Fort's history!

A view of the Fort Hall Replica's interior.
It wasn't a particularly big place, but "in the day"
would have been crowded with people and animals.

Another view of the Fort Hall Replica's interior.
The building in the center was where most of the formal
"trading" was conducted.

This wagon, displayed at the Fort, is of the actual type
that carried most emigrants west along the Oregon Trail.
It's much smaller than the big "Conestoga"-type wagons,
often depicted as used by the pioneers in movies, that usually carried freight.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game!

Tuesday night we attended a delightful picnic put on by alumni of Brigham Young University-Idaho (which Donna and Jonathan both attended), then strolled over to a nearby stadium to see a game between the Idaho Falls Chukars (a "chukar" is a kind of partridge found in the Rocky Mountains) and the Casper, Wyoming (you know what's coming) Ghosts. The teams belong to the Pioneer League, a rookie league that's part of the Major League Baseball farm system. We must bring the Chukars good luck, because they won this game just like they did on our 2010 visit to Idaho Falls! And the most memorable moment of the night wasn't on the field: Jonathan and I each won a drawing for a prize from Deseret Books! We picked them up in the stadium gift shop, and I was astounded to get a book that I had just recently found out about and wanted badly to read, The Miracle of Freedom: Seven Tipping Points That Saved the World by Chris and Ted Stewart. A delightful evening indeed!

The Chukars warming up.

Aside from Jonathan and I winning prizes, this
was the night's most dramatic moment--out at home plate.

Yellowstone National Park

On Wednesday we drove to Yellowstone National Park and took the North Loop, instead of the South Loop which we had focused on in previous visits. Not far into the park we stopped to stretch our legs (having driven over two hours from Idaho Falls), opposite a high bluff overlooking a creek.

And there we encountered the little follow (gal?) below, who seemed to be looking for a handout or leftover--it's a marmot.

"Did all these people come here just to see me?"

One of the first major sites we came to was Norris Geyser Basin, an otherwordly expanse of steam vents, geysers, and hot acidic pools.

Norris Geyser Basin

A few miles further up the road we came to a place called Artist Point, from which we beheld the Lower Yellowstone Falls. What a spectacle! The water of the Yellowstone River plunges more than 300 feet into the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone, which itself is up to 1,000 feet deep.

Lower Yellowstone Falls from Artist Point

Lower Falls and Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone

Donna and Jonathan at Artist Point

Further on we came to Mammoth Hot Springs, an area even more like an alien planet than Norris Geyser Basin. Here, hot water from the springs flows over the surface in rivulets and pools, and deposits calcium carbonate--a white, chalky mineral--in such copious amounts that it's formed terraces down the side of a hill that look like frozen waterfalls. The mineral and the hot water that leaves it thick everywhere choke the life out of any trees that try to grow here. I'll just let the camera take over for a moment to give you an idea what this place is like.

The rest our drive was through seemingly endless, and beautiful, hill country.

The rest our drive was through seemingly endless, and beautiful, hill country. One thing often seen in this area are buffalo--or "bison," as they're properly called.

Here's what one of these enormous, fearsome creatures looks like up close and personal--the picture was taken from just inside the car window! (I'm cheating a bit here; this photo was actually shot on our 2007 visit to Yellowstone, but is making its first online appearance--I couldn't resist!)

Playmill Theater

After leaving Yellowstone Wednesday evening we stopped for dinner in the town of West Yellowstone, Montana, and then attended a presentation at the Playmill Theater of the musical Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. It was a lot of fun, if not quite as delightful as Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, which we saw at the Playmill last year.

Temples and Temple Square

Whenever we're in Idaho and Utah--from which our plane left for home on Saturday--we enjoy visiting the sites associated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS). Of course, that includes the Church's beautiful temples, including the new Rexburg Temple in Rexburg, Idaho, where Donna and Jonathan attended college at BYU-Idaho.

Rexburg Temple

Statue of the Angel Moroni,
atop the Rexburg Temple

Before we left for home from the Salt Lake CIty airport, we visited Temple Square in Salt Lake CIty--always a setting for marvelous pictures!

There were 75 weddings at the Salt Lake Temple
on the Saturday we were there--if you look closely,
you can see one of the couples in the lower right corner
of this picture (I didn't notice them till after I took the picture!).

This side view of the Salt Lake Temple
was taken through a large window
from inside the adjacent Visitors' Center.

17 Miracles

It's hard to overstate the crucial role the Mormons played in American history and settlement of the West. On Friday evening we all went to a showing of the film 17 Miracles, a beautiful, well-acted, and heartrending film about the Willie and Martin companies of Mormon pioneers, who pulled wooden handcarts across the American plains in 1856 toward the Salt Lake Valley, and were caught in the mountains of Wyoming in October, when winter came early and with a vengeance. Before they were rescued many died, and there was much suffering and much discovery of what faith, hope, and love really mean.

Conclusion

Melany and I tasted a little adversity of our own on the flight back home, when bad weather in Chicago held up our flight there from Salt Lake City, and we had to spend the night at O'Hare airport because our connecting flight to Rochester left about 20 minutes before we landed. After seeing what the Willie and Martin companies endured, what was a little inconvenience like that?

If you've never traveled out to see the great American West, this should definitely be on your "bucket list." Seeing places like Yellowstone, the Teton Range, the Snake River Valley, and Temple Square are priceless, unforgettable experiences. Melany and I are so thankful that Donna and Jonathan have made it possible for us to have them. Thank you both, again!

Idaho sunset